39 weeks!

This week, Baby is the size of a: Watermelon

Average size: 18.9-20.9 inches, 6.2-9.2 lb.

How far along? 
39 weeks (Come out baby, we're ready!!)

Total weight gain/loss: 

35 pounds gained

Maternity clothes? 

Yes.  In fact, most of my maternity clothes don't fit properly because my belly is getting so big.   

Sleep: 

I've definitely had better but when I do sleep I sleep hard and I am getting a daily nap so I can't complain.

Best moment this week: 

I'm looking forward to my Doctors appointment on Thursday 1-3 to find out when I can expect to see you.

 Movement:  

You move so much that I never have to worry if you are okay.  You are a busy baby!

Food cravings: 
This week I'm not craving too much. I'm craving a baby!  I'm so ready.

Symptoms: 
My hands still fall asleep.  Back is hurting.  I take a bath or two a day to help relieve minor pains.  I pee A LOT!

 Gender: 

You're still a girl, I hope!  We have everything ready for your arrival and there's a lot of pink!

Labor Signs:   
Nothing

Belly Button in or out? 
Still an innie.

Feeling toward Pregnancy: 
I'm going to miss feeling you move around in my belly.  I look forward to telling Aunt Sue that you are named after her.  You are going to love Aunt Sue.

What I miss: 
Nothing. 

What I am looking forward to: 
Meeting you.  I daydream about you all of the time.  I can't wait to Maddie to meet you as well.  I'm a little scared about becoming a Mother of two but the excitement outweighs the nervousness.  Love will take care of it all!

Milestones: 

Wish I could say we have a name for you but we still don't!  Mom still likes Harper and Daddy is now stuck to Maisie or Maisy and Piper, what's new????  :)

I'm so excited for you to join our family.  You are the final piece of our family puzzle.

Always remember one thing, I love you.

30 weeks

This week, Baby is the size of a:
Cucumber Average size: 15.2 -16.7 inches, 2.5-3.8 lb.

How far along? 
30 weeks 

Total weight gain/loss: 
25 pounds gained (eek!)

Maternity clothes? 

Yes.     

Sleep: 
I'm sleeping pretty well.  I wake up to turn over multiple times a night or to use the bathroom but really I can't complain.

Best moment this week: 

Getting professional photos taken with Maddie and my growing belly yesterday.  This has been such a stressful couple of months but it's so important for me to take the time to mark the milestones.  My growing belly and my beautiful almost 2 year old (your older sissy) amidst fall colors in a park.  Just spending the day with Maddie was nice after a hectic weekend where we packed and moved Daddy to Chicago.

 Movement:  

You are moving consistently and I don't feel the hiccups any more.  Maddie had them all of the time but you are more of a wiggle worm.  When I feel you move it reminds me of a doggy shaking after he's had a bath.  The movements are quick and repetitive.

Food cravings: 
Donut holes!  I've even got Maddie started on my addiction to donut holes!  We have a weekly donut date.  This sunday I took her to Dunkin Donuts as soon as she woke up.  I didn't even change her clothes.  I changed her diaper and put a winter hat on her with her sleeper!

Symptoms: 
Well, our house sold the first day on the market.  Daddy has been in Chicago for three weeks and I have been working, taking care of Maddie and packing in my spare time.  My feet get really sore and a little swollen at night, my temper is a little short at times but really for as big as I am getting and all that is going on in our lives I am grateful to have a healthy, beautiful daughter, a working husband and to be pregnant.  

Dr. Appts:
Had an appointment two weeks ago,all looks good and I made an appointment with a new OB in Chicago who will be the one to deliver you even though i haven't met him yet.

 Gender: 

I really feel I was meant to have two girls.  I get so excited when I refer to you and Maddie as "the girls".  It feels so right.

Labor Signs:   
Nothing

Belly Button in or out? 
Still an innie.

Feeling toward Pregnancy: 
I am still amazed at how my body grows and I love to put my hand on my belly to feel you move because feeling it from the inside isn't enough.  I want to feel you move with my hands.  The closest I can come to holding you at this point.

What I miss: 
Nothing. 

What I am looking forward to: 
I can't wait to meet you.  I wonder what you will look like all of the time.  I'm still looking forward to agreeing on a name for you!  Daddy and I can't agree on a name and it's killing me!  I now love Harper and he likes Macy and Haley, O.K. he still likes Piper, too.

Milestones: 

30 weeks and on our way to Chicago the day after Thanksgiving.

Always remember one thing, I love you so much. - Mama

25 weeks

This week, Baby is the size of a:
Cauliflower  13.6 - 14.8 inches, 1.5 - 2.5 pounds

How far along? 
25 weeks 

Total weight gain/loss: 
15 pounds gained (eek!)

Maternity clothes? 

Yes.     

Sleep: 
So much has been happening at work and in our personal lives that I fall to sleep quickly these days and stay asleep for the most part but I wake up early usually with my mind on whatever it is I have to tackle that day.

Best moment this week: 

Daddy got a job offer in Chicago and we are moving!  The worst moment...realizing that you may never see the room we decorated for you.  It's sitting painted, with new furniture and a beautiful hot pink chandelier and these gorgeous lanterns but I don't know you will see it. 

 Movement:  

I feel you move multiple times daily and you have started to hiccup just like Maddie did when she was in my belly.  As a matter of fact you have the hiccups as I type this and my belly keeps jolting.

Food cravings: 
Brownies.  Hot wings.

Symptoms: 
I'm feeling great but have a lot of anxiety over being six months pregnant and not knowing what will happen with the sell of our house and where we will live in Chicago.

Dr. Appts:
Just had an appointment and the Dr. said you are doing great and that your heart sounds great!

 Gender: 

I am getting more and more excited to have two girls.  I can't wait to meet you.

Labor Signs:   
Nothing

Belly Button in or out? 
Still getting bigger!  Maddie still loves sticking her finger in it.  She beats on my belly too and points to baby ducky, sometimes kissing it.

Feeling toward Pregnancy: 
Blessed.  Simply, blessed.  No matter what we face in these next few months, it means so much to have my girls with me.

What I miss: 
Nothing. 

What I am looking forward to: 
Meeting you.  Loving you and settling down in a new home with you.  Agreeing on a name for you!  Daddy and I can't agree on a name and it's killing me!  I love Ella and he likes Macy and Piper.

Milestones: 

25 weeks and feeling great.  Daddy has a new job and I am so happy for him.

Always remember one thing, I love you. - Mama

Life as we know it

Life as we know it is changing.  Jamie accepted a new job this week and we are moving to Chicago.  That one sentence encompasses so many hurdles we must jump over to get our family living together one day.  Before kids I would have been so excited and eager for the transition to a new city but with a 20 month old and being 6 months pregnant; I fear for what's ahead.  Jamie will be commuting from St. Louis to Chicago for the first few months.  That means that my partner and my support will be away every week from Monday through Friday.  I have an entire four bedroom house to get on the market which includes a lengthy checklist of items to repair before the house can be listed.  I am fearful of the showings, especially with a 20 month old.  I am fearful of having to get a toddler out the door by 6:30 each morning and having the house ready to show before I leave in case someone wants to see it.  I'm worried about the stress of caring for a 20 month old on my own five days a week.  I am worried that as I grow bigger and have less energy and patience that this will be more and more difficult.  I don't have a real say in whether I stay or go in the beginning.  My husband has decided that I should earn my paycheck back home while I can and also use up the maternity leave that I have owed to me.  To me, my family being together and the stress of this is more important.  I would rather have my family all move up to Chicago and situated before the baby comes.  I've said it but it falls on deaf ears.  I mentioned how hard this is going to be on me but it seems lost on him.  I mentioned that I need a cleaning person at least once a month to assist with actually cleaning the house since I will be primarily focused on picking up the house after our daughter destroys it nightly.  He told me that we need to conserve where we can.  I am insulted.  I have taken the liberty of looking into a baby nurse as it seems I will be staying behind to have a baby and take care of it by myself too on weekdays.  I won't hear anything objections on this.  He knows better, too.  I can't imagine how hard it's going to be moving with a 4-6 week old and a toddler with no day care in the new city to take care of my girls while I try to get a house in order. My husbands sister who I am not that close with actually hugged me and apologized for what i am about to go through and told me that she didn't feel my husband understood what I was about to go through.  I think he actually has it easy, living in the new city and coming home only on weekends.  I told him that and he acted as though I was crazy.

I feel like I live back in some ancient time where my duty is to take care of the home, produce babies and earn a paycheck.  I feel I don't have a say and I feel these next six months are going to be anything but idealistic.  I have a babies room that is 3/4's complete that I don't know if my baby will ever see.  If the house sells before my baby is born she won't.

I have zero family.  I have zero support system.  I don't know if I can do this.  

20 weeks

This week, Baby is the size of a:
Banana  6.5 inches, 10.6 ounces

How far along? 
20 weeks 

Total weight gain/loss: 
10 pounds gained (eek!)

Maternity clothes? 

I'm in the big leagues now.  Shirts, pants, the whole shebang!  I have started noticing the my shoes are tighter...ugh!   

Sleep: 
Not going so well.  I have to eat a bagel or something heavy before bed or I get hungry in the middle of the night.  It really annoys me when I wake up hungry because I don't want to get up!  I have also started the wonderful habit of being awake or tossing and turning for 2-3 hours each night.

Best moment this week: 
Finding out you are progressing perfectly in my belly and finding out we are having a girl!  We brought Madelyn with us to the ultrasound and it was exciting to know your sister was there when we found out what gender you were.

Waiting to see if I am going to have a little brother or a little sister!

 Movement:  

I haven't been feeling as big of movements now but I do feel you a few times a day.  It's so neat to be at work and working on a project when I get a reminder you are in there.

Food cravings: 
Ummm...chocolate chip cookies.  These are a regular on the shopping list now.  Daddy even knows to get chocolate chip cookies and he has been indulging too!  I like the kind that you bake and we go through 1-2 packs of these a week!  

Symptoms: 
Honestly, besides being tired, I am really feeling terrific even with the lack of sleep.

Dr. Appts:
Aug 17th we found out you were a girl.  My next appointment I have a glucose test, I'm a little afraid for this one with all of the cookies I eat!

 Gender: 

I was a little  really shocked to find out your were a girl but I am looking forward to you joining our family.  I'm looking forward to having another best friend and daughter.  I want you and your sister to grow up loving and respecting each other.  You will always be each others closest and best friend.

Labor Signs:   
Nothing

Belly Button in or out? 
Still getting bigger!  Maddie still loves sticking her finger in it and she sticks it in so deep I scream sometimes!  I have always been funny about people touching my belly button (your Daddy does it to get a rise out of me) but I let you because you just discovered belly buttons and each night when we are reading you love to lift my shirt and see my belly button.  It's so cute, I can't resist!

Feeling toward Pregnancy: 
I feel thankful to be pregnant during everything that is going on with Daddy's job.  I was scared to be pregnant with Daddy's job "on the line" at first but am feeling so grateful to have you growing and thriving in my belly when all else is uncertain.

What I miss: 
Nothing.  Life is hard right now but this is all happening for a reason.  I know great things are coming our way.

What I am looking forward to: 
Watching sisters grow up together.  We went out to celebrate that you are having a little sister the night of the ultrasound.  We picked Daddy up from work and went to the park which you love to do these days.

Milestones: 

20 weeks!  Half way.

I love you Ducky. - Mama

Life...right now.

Life right now is ummm, well, different.  I am twenty weeks pregnant this week-with a second girl.  My husband's job is still hanging in limbo with uncomfortable uncertainty.  I have a 19 month old that is learning that she has a say in day to day activities.  I haven't talked to my Mother in over a month and I haven't talked to my brother in six months.

This is my second pregnancy without my Mother.  While it's heartbreaking to think that I don't have a Mother during a time in life when a girl needs her Mother...I'm dealing.  My Mother and I are better apart.  I miss having a Mother, but I don't miss not having my Mother.  When I think of how much I wish I had a Mother during this time of pregnancy and uncertainty with my husband's job, I must remind myself that she would not be helpful-someone else's Mother would be, not mine.  The hole in my heart will remain even though my head knows better.

Life at home is different as I stated earlier.  I am getting used to living like every dollar is ten dollars.  I don't go out and buy things freely anymore.  I used to think up a crafty project or something I want Maddie to have and go get it.  Now, I have blocked all of those things from my head.  I buy groceries and second hand clothes (which I have always done) for Maddie's fall wardrobe and we entertain ourselves doing free things around town for the most part.  We've been to many parks, had many picnics and we've been to the zoo  which are all free.  I feel our family bonding is better than ever although our futures are more uncertain than ever.  I have food cravings as a pregnant lady that I must try to resist now because mostly I crave restaurant food.

Speaking of pregnancy, we found out Friday the 17th that we are having another girl.  My husband and I are both shocked to say the least, but shocked in a good way.  I had thought it was a boy because the kicks were so hard and so different than Maddie.  I guess I just never thought about he possibility of two girls.  It has settled in and I am bonding with this sweet little girl in my tummy.  It's hard to picture her looking anything different than her beautiful sister does.  I always wanted a sister and I feel a sister is the greatest gift I could give Madelyn.  My mission has adjusted some.  I wanted to raise one well rounded and intelligent girl and now that applies to two girls.  I have also given myself the task of making sure these girls grow up to love and respect each other.  Something my brother and I have never done.  I know they will have their arguments and their low points but I want love and respect to be underlying in their relationship.  This will be my mission well until they are in adulthood if that is how long it takes.

Life as a Mother and wife is difficult right now.  There isn't a lot of room for romance, nor is there time for relaxing.  After Maddie goes to bed we look for jobs and Jamie applies to the ones we find.  It just hit me how hard this is.  I am having a difficult time walking the line between a concerned Mother/wife where my fear is easily detected and a strong Mother/wife that holds everything and everyone together.  I haven't had practice at this and I think the fact that I have a little baby fluttering around in my tummy makes it all the more difficult.  I'm trying to do what I can to hold our house together laundry wise, meal wise, cleaning wise, etc. but let's face it...I am lacking energy and sometimes I just don't feel I am doing my part.  I don't feel I am doing my part in the romance department either.  Before this weekend I think it had been well over two months before J and I had any type of intimate time together.  It's actually been on the forefront of my mind on a daily basis but with my energy level lacking thinking about it and feeling guilty about it are as far as I get.  

I'm starting to get to the point in pregnancy where I am feeling really frumpy and unattractive and like I will be like this forever.  I'm dreading the fact that having a baby the first time changed my lady parts and I'm heading for round two.  I'm expecting my lady parts to be completely unrecognizable after this.

I'm missing my anti-depressant pills.  If you haven't noticed yet it's incredibly hard to be positive these days.  My girls are the brightest spots in my life right now and I put on a good show for Maddie who, of course, knows nothing.  I'm looking forward to getting back on them as soon as baby #2 is out.

I'm going to try and write here more to clear my head.  I realize it's the closest thing I have to an anti-depressant pill and the closest thing I have to therapy in this difficult time.

18 weeks

This week, Baby is the size of a:
Sweet Potato 5.6- 6 inches, 8.5 ounces

How far along? 
18 weeks 

Total weight gain/loss: 
4 pounds gained

Maternity clothes? 
Yes.  Especially shorts and pants.  I can still get away with big t-shirts.

Sleep: 
Well, I have sadly started sleeping on my side and my back only.  It was about time.  I had such a hard time giving up my stomach sleeping.  It takes me a while to get comfortable and a while to fall asleep but once I am asleep I sleep hard.

Best moment this week: 
It was the best moment of last week (again) actually...we had a Dr. appointment for a check up scheduled and the Dr. had to perform a c-section so we didn't get to see him BUT they did allow us to schedule our 20 week ultrasound instead of waiting for 22 weeks so we will get to find out what you are!  I'm very excited!

Movement:  
I am feeling more and more movement!  You have kicked Mommy really hard a couple of times for only being 5.5 - 6 inches long!  Last night you kicked me while I was trying to fall asleep and I yelled "oh sh!t"!   Maddie never kicked like this so I am once again thinking you are a boy!

Food cravings: 
I'm still loving candy but chocolate too and I have been surprised at how I am able to eat meat.  I actually crave hamburgers which is new for me.

Symptoms: 
Sore back occasionally.  When I do too much or lift Maddie too much I get cramps and contractions

Dr. Appts:
Aug 17th we will find out if you are a girl or a boy!  So excited!

Gender: 
Either would be amazing.  Sometimes I really think it could be a boy because of the kicking but there are many things that are similar to Maddie's pregnancy that make me think it could be a girl.  I also love the idea of being a Mother of two girls. 

Labor Signs:   
Rare contractions

Belly Button in or out? 
Still the same as pre-pregnancy-JUST BIGGER!  Maddie loves to see it and stick her finger all the way inside!

Feeling toward Pregnancy: 
It's much more difficult this time than it was with Maddie just because I am chasing a toddler around and she has been particularly whiny lately which makes my job more difficult but I am so excited to have another baby.  I am loving it when I see new babies out and about or when I walk into the baby store and see all of the things that new babies need.  I am feeling overwhelmed as well because there is so much to get done before you come!

What I miss: 
I miss stability.  Daddy found out that his job is in trouble and I miss feeling secure.  I am doing my best to be strong but it's very difficult.  If I am honest I will say that I'm terrified to think that Daddy may not have a job when you are born.  I have faith that he will but the thought crosses my mind.  As a mother all I want to do is to protect my family and I am feeling really pregnant and rather helpless.

What I am looking forward to: 
Next weeks ultrasound.  Daddy and I could use some good news.

Milestones: 
Sleeping on my side and back - finally.