Life as we know it

Life as we know it is changing.  Jamie accepted a new job this week and we are moving to Chicago.  That one sentence encompasses so many hurdles we must jump over to get our family living together one day.  Before kids I would have been so excited and eager for the transition to a new city but with a 20 month old and being 6 months pregnant; I fear for what's ahead.  Jamie will be commuting from St. Louis to Chicago for the first few months.  That means that my partner and my support will be away every week from Monday through Friday.  I have an entire four bedroom house to get on the market which includes a lengthy checklist of items to repair before the house can be listed.  I am fearful of the showings, especially with a 20 month old.  I am fearful of having to get a toddler out the door by 6:30 each morning and having the house ready to show before I leave in case someone wants to see it.  I'm worried about the stress of caring for a 20 month old on my own five days a week.  I am worried that as I grow bigger and have less energy and patience that this will be more and more difficult.  I don't have a real say in whether I stay or go in the beginning.  My husband has decided that I should earn my paycheck back home while I can and also use up the maternity leave that I have owed to me.  To me, my family being together and the stress of this is more important.  I would rather have my family all move up to Chicago and situated before the baby comes.  I've said it but it falls on deaf ears.  I mentioned how hard this is going to be on me but it seems lost on him.  I mentioned that I need a cleaning person at least once a month to assist with actually cleaning the house since I will be primarily focused on picking up the house after our daughter destroys it nightly.  He told me that we need to conserve where we can.  I am insulted.  I have taken the liberty of looking into a baby nurse as it seems I will be staying behind to have a baby and take care of it by myself too on weekdays.  I won't hear anything objections on this.  He knows better, too.  I can't imagine how hard it's going to be moving with a 4-6 week old and a toddler with no day care in the new city to take care of my girls while I try to get a house in order. My husbands sister who I am not that close with actually hugged me and apologized for what i am about to go through and told me that she didn't feel my husband understood what I was about to go through.  I think he actually has it easy, living in the new city and coming home only on weekends.  I told him that and he acted as though I was crazy.

I feel like I live back in some ancient time where my duty is to take care of the home, produce babies and earn a paycheck.  I feel I don't have a say and I feel these next six months are going to be anything but idealistic.  I have a babies room that is 3/4's complete that I don't know if my baby will ever see.  If the house sells before my baby is born she won't.

I have zero family.  I have zero support system.  I don't know if I can do this.