30 weeks

This week, Baby is the size of a:
Cucumber Average size: 15.2 -16.7 inches, 2.5-3.8 lb.

How far along? 
30 weeks 

Total weight gain/loss: 
25 pounds gained (eek!)

Maternity clothes? 

Yes.     

Sleep: 
I'm sleeping pretty well.  I wake up to turn over multiple times a night or to use the bathroom but really I can't complain.

Best moment this week: 

Getting professional photos taken with Maddie and my growing belly yesterday.  This has been such a stressful couple of months but it's so important for me to take the time to mark the milestones.  My growing belly and my beautiful almost 2 year old (your older sissy) amidst fall colors in a park.  Just spending the day with Maddie was nice after a hectic weekend where we packed and moved Daddy to Chicago.

 Movement:  

You are moving consistently and I don't feel the hiccups any more.  Maddie had them all of the time but you are more of a wiggle worm.  When I feel you move it reminds me of a doggy shaking after he's had a bath.  The movements are quick and repetitive.

Food cravings: 
Donut holes!  I've even got Maddie started on my addiction to donut holes!  We have a weekly donut date.  This sunday I took her to Dunkin Donuts as soon as she woke up.  I didn't even change her clothes.  I changed her diaper and put a winter hat on her with her sleeper!

Symptoms: 
Well, our house sold the first day on the market.  Daddy has been in Chicago for three weeks and I have been working, taking care of Maddie and packing in my spare time.  My feet get really sore and a little swollen at night, my temper is a little short at times but really for as big as I am getting and all that is going on in our lives I am grateful to have a healthy, beautiful daughter, a working husband and to be pregnant.  

Dr. Appts:
Had an appointment two weeks ago,all looks good and I made an appointment with a new OB in Chicago who will be the one to deliver you even though i haven't met him yet.

 Gender: 

I really feel I was meant to have two girls.  I get so excited when I refer to you and Maddie as "the girls".  It feels so right.

Labor Signs:   
Nothing

Belly Button in or out? 
Still an innie.

Feeling toward Pregnancy: 
I am still amazed at how my body grows and I love to put my hand on my belly to feel you move because feeling it from the inside isn't enough.  I want to feel you move with my hands.  The closest I can come to holding you at this point.

What I miss: 
Nothing. 

What I am looking forward to: 
I can't wait to meet you.  I wonder what you will look like all of the time.  I'm still looking forward to agreeing on a name for you!  Daddy and I can't agree on a name and it's killing me!  I now love Harper and he likes Macy and Haley, O.K. he still likes Piper, too.

Milestones: 

30 weeks and on our way to Chicago the day after Thanksgiving.

Always remember one thing, I love you so much. - Mama

25 weeks

This week, Baby is the size of a:
Cauliflower  13.6 - 14.8 inches, 1.5 - 2.5 pounds

How far along? 
25 weeks 

Total weight gain/loss: 
15 pounds gained (eek!)

Maternity clothes? 

Yes.     

Sleep: 
So much has been happening at work and in our personal lives that I fall to sleep quickly these days and stay asleep for the most part but I wake up early usually with my mind on whatever it is I have to tackle that day.

Best moment this week: 

Daddy got a job offer in Chicago and we are moving!  The worst moment...realizing that you may never see the room we decorated for you.  It's sitting painted, with new furniture and a beautiful hot pink chandelier and these gorgeous lanterns but I don't know you will see it. 

 Movement:  

I feel you move multiple times daily and you have started to hiccup just like Maddie did when she was in my belly.  As a matter of fact you have the hiccups as I type this and my belly keeps jolting.

Food cravings: 
Brownies.  Hot wings.

Symptoms: 
I'm feeling great but have a lot of anxiety over being six months pregnant and not knowing what will happen with the sell of our house and where we will live in Chicago.

Dr. Appts:
Just had an appointment and the Dr. said you are doing great and that your heart sounds great!

 Gender: 

I am getting more and more excited to have two girls.  I can't wait to meet you.

Labor Signs:   
Nothing

Belly Button in or out? 
Still getting bigger!  Maddie still loves sticking her finger in it.  She beats on my belly too and points to baby ducky, sometimes kissing it.

Feeling toward Pregnancy: 
Blessed.  Simply, blessed.  No matter what we face in these next few months, it means so much to have my girls with me.

What I miss: 
Nothing. 

What I am looking forward to: 
Meeting you.  Loving you and settling down in a new home with you.  Agreeing on a name for you!  Daddy and I can't agree on a name and it's killing me!  I love Ella and he likes Macy and Piper.

Milestones: 

25 weeks and feeling great.  Daddy has a new job and I am so happy for him.

Always remember one thing, I love you. - Mama

Life as we know it

Life as we know it is changing.  Jamie accepted a new job this week and we are moving to Chicago.  That one sentence encompasses so many hurdles we must jump over to get our family living together one day.  Before kids I would have been so excited and eager for the transition to a new city but with a 20 month old and being 6 months pregnant; I fear for what's ahead.  Jamie will be commuting from St. Louis to Chicago for the first few months.  That means that my partner and my support will be away every week from Monday through Friday.  I have an entire four bedroom house to get on the market which includes a lengthy checklist of items to repair before the house can be listed.  I am fearful of the showings, especially with a 20 month old.  I am fearful of having to get a toddler out the door by 6:30 each morning and having the house ready to show before I leave in case someone wants to see it.  I'm worried about the stress of caring for a 20 month old on my own five days a week.  I am worried that as I grow bigger and have less energy and patience that this will be more and more difficult.  I don't have a real say in whether I stay or go in the beginning.  My husband has decided that I should earn my paycheck back home while I can and also use up the maternity leave that I have owed to me.  To me, my family being together and the stress of this is more important.  I would rather have my family all move up to Chicago and situated before the baby comes.  I've said it but it falls on deaf ears.  I mentioned how hard this is going to be on me but it seems lost on him.  I mentioned that I need a cleaning person at least once a month to assist with actually cleaning the house since I will be primarily focused on picking up the house after our daughter destroys it nightly.  He told me that we need to conserve where we can.  I am insulted.  I have taken the liberty of looking into a baby nurse as it seems I will be staying behind to have a baby and take care of it by myself too on weekdays.  I won't hear anything objections on this.  He knows better, too.  I can't imagine how hard it's going to be moving with a 4-6 week old and a toddler with no day care in the new city to take care of my girls while I try to get a house in order. My husbands sister who I am not that close with actually hugged me and apologized for what i am about to go through and told me that she didn't feel my husband understood what I was about to go through.  I think he actually has it easy, living in the new city and coming home only on weekends.  I told him that and he acted as though I was crazy.

I feel like I live back in some ancient time where my duty is to take care of the home, produce babies and earn a paycheck.  I feel I don't have a say and I feel these next six months are going to be anything but idealistic.  I have a babies room that is 3/4's complete that I don't know if my baby will ever see.  If the house sells before my baby is born she won't.

I have zero family.  I have zero support system.  I don't know if I can do this.  

20 weeks

This week, Baby is the size of a:
Banana  6.5 inches, 10.6 ounces

How far along? 
20 weeks 

Total weight gain/loss: 
10 pounds gained (eek!)

Maternity clothes? 

I'm in the big leagues now.  Shirts, pants, the whole shebang!  I have started noticing the my shoes are tighter...ugh!   

Sleep: 
Not going so well.  I have to eat a bagel or something heavy before bed or I get hungry in the middle of the night.  It really annoys me when I wake up hungry because I don't want to get up!  I have also started the wonderful habit of being awake or tossing and turning for 2-3 hours each night.

Best moment this week: 
Finding out you are progressing perfectly in my belly and finding out we are having a girl!  We brought Madelyn with us to the ultrasound and it was exciting to know your sister was there when we found out what gender you were.

Waiting to see if I am going to have a little brother or a little sister!

 Movement:  

I haven't been feeling as big of movements now but I do feel you a few times a day.  It's so neat to be at work and working on a project when I get a reminder you are in there.

Food cravings: 
Ummm...chocolate chip cookies.  These are a regular on the shopping list now.  Daddy even knows to get chocolate chip cookies and he has been indulging too!  I like the kind that you bake and we go through 1-2 packs of these a week!  

Symptoms: 
Honestly, besides being tired, I am really feeling terrific even with the lack of sleep.

Dr. Appts:
Aug 17th we found out you were a girl.  My next appointment I have a glucose test, I'm a little afraid for this one with all of the cookies I eat!

 Gender: 

I was a little  really shocked to find out your were a girl but I am looking forward to you joining our family.  I'm looking forward to having another best friend and daughter.  I want you and your sister to grow up loving and respecting each other.  You will always be each others closest and best friend.

Labor Signs:   
Nothing

Belly Button in or out? 
Still getting bigger!  Maddie still loves sticking her finger in it and she sticks it in so deep I scream sometimes!  I have always been funny about people touching my belly button (your Daddy does it to get a rise out of me) but I let you because you just discovered belly buttons and each night when we are reading you love to lift my shirt and see my belly button.  It's so cute, I can't resist!

Feeling toward Pregnancy: 
I feel thankful to be pregnant during everything that is going on with Daddy's job.  I was scared to be pregnant with Daddy's job "on the line" at first but am feeling so grateful to have you growing and thriving in my belly when all else is uncertain.

What I miss: 
Nothing.  Life is hard right now but this is all happening for a reason.  I know great things are coming our way.

What I am looking forward to: 
Watching sisters grow up together.  We went out to celebrate that you are having a little sister the night of the ultrasound.  We picked Daddy up from work and went to the park which you love to do these days.

Milestones: 

20 weeks!  Half way.

I love you Ducky. - Mama

Life...right now.

Life right now is ummm, well, different.  I am twenty weeks pregnant this week-with a second girl.  My husband's job is still hanging in limbo with uncomfortable uncertainty.  I have a 19 month old that is learning that she has a say in day to day activities.  I haven't talked to my Mother in over a month and I haven't talked to my brother in six months.

This is my second pregnancy without my Mother.  While it's heartbreaking to think that I don't have a Mother during a time in life when a girl needs her Mother...I'm dealing.  My Mother and I are better apart.  I miss having a Mother, but I don't miss not having my Mother.  When I think of how much I wish I had a Mother during this time of pregnancy and uncertainty with my husband's job, I must remind myself that she would not be helpful-someone else's Mother would be, not mine.  The hole in my heart will remain even though my head knows better.

Life at home is different as I stated earlier.  I am getting used to living like every dollar is ten dollars.  I don't go out and buy things freely anymore.  I used to think up a crafty project or something I want Maddie to have and go get it.  Now, I have blocked all of those things from my head.  I buy groceries and second hand clothes (which I have always done) for Maddie's fall wardrobe and we entertain ourselves doing free things around town for the most part.  We've been to many parks, had many picnics and we've been to the zoo  which are all free.  I feel our family bonding is better than ever although our futures are more uncertain than ever.  I have food cravings as a pregnant lady that I must try to resist now because mostly I crave restaurant food.

Speaking of pregnancy, we found out Friday the 17th that we are having another girl.  My husband and I are both shocked to say the least, but shocked in a good way.  I had thought it was a boy because the kicks were so hard and so different than Maddie.  I guess I just never thought about he possibility of two girls.  It has settled in and I am bonding with this sweet little girl in my tummy.  It's hard to picture her looking anything different than her beautiful sister does.  I always wanted a sister and I feel a sister is the greatest gift I could give Madelyn.  My mission has adjusted some.  I wanted to raise one well rounded and intelligent girl and now that applies to two girls.  I have also given myself the task of making sure these girls grow up to love and respect each other.  Something my brother and I have never done.  I know they will have their arguments and their low points but I want love and respect to be underlying in their relationship.  This will be my mission well until they are in adulthood if that is how long it takes.

Life as a Mother and wife is difficult right now.  There isn't a lot of room for romance, nor is there time for relaxing.  After Maddie goes to bed we look for jobs and Jamie applies to the ones we find.  It just hit me how hard this is.  I am having a difficult time walking the line between a concerned Mother/wife where my fear is easily detected and a strong Mother/wife that holds everything and everyone together.  I haven't had practice at this and I think the fact that I have a little baby fluttering around in my tummy makes it all the more difficult.  I'm trying to do what I can to hold our house together laundry wise, meal wise, cleaning wise, etc. but let's face it...I am lacking energy and sometimes I just don't feel I am doing my part.  I don't feel I am doing my part in the romance department either.  Before this weekend I think it had been well over two months before J and I had any type of intimate time together.  It's actually been on the forefront of my mind on a daily basis but with my energy level lacking thinking about it and feeling guilty about it are as far as I get.  

I'm starting to get to the point in pregnancy where I am feeling really frumpy and unattractive and like I will be like this forever.  I'm dreading the fact that having a baby the first time changed my lady parts and I'm heading for round two.  I'm expecting my lady parts to be completely unrecognizable after this.

I'm missing my anti-depressant pills.  If you haven't noticed yet it's incredibly hard to be positive these days.  My girls are the brightest spots in my life right now and I put on a good show for Maddie who, of course, knows nothing.  I'm looking forward to getting back on them as soon as baby #2 is out.

I'm going to try and write here more to clear my head.  I realize it's the closest thing I have to an anti-depressant pill and the closest thing I have to therapy in this difficult time.

18 weeks

This week, Baby is the size of a:
Sweet Potato 5.6- 6 inches, 8.5 ounces

How far along? 
18 weeks 

Total weight gain/loss: 
4 pounds gained

Maternity clothes? 
Yes.  Especially shorts and pants.  I can still get away with big t-shirts.

Sleep: 
Well, I have sadly started sleeping on my side and my back only.  It was about time.  I had such a hard time giving up my stomach sleeping.  It takes me a while to get comfortable and a while to fall asleep but once I am asleep I sleep hard.

Best moment this week: 
It was the best moment of last week (again) actually...we had a Dr. appointment for a check up scheduled and the Dr. had to perform a c-section so we didn't get to see him BUT they did allow us to schedule our 20 week ultrasound instead of waiting for 22 weeks so we will get to find out what you are!  I'm very excited!

Movement:  
I am feeling more and more movement!  You have kicked Mommy really hard a couple of times for only being 5.5 - 6 inches long!  Last night you kicked me while I was trying to fall asleep and I yelled "oh sh!t"!   Maddie never kicked like this so I am once again thinking you are a boy!

Food cravings: 
I'm still loving candy but chocolate too and I have been surprised at how I am able to eat meat.  I actually crave hamburgers which is new for me.

Symptoms: 
Sore back occasionally.  When I do too much or lift Maddie too much I get cramps and contractions

Dr. Appts:
Aug 17th we will find out if you are a girl or a boy!  So excited!

Gender: 
Either would be amazing.  Sometimes I really think it could be a boy because of the kicking but there are many things that are similar to Maddie's pregnancy that make me think it could be a girl.  I also love the idea of being a Mother of two girls. 

Labor Signs:   
Rare contractions

Belly Button in or out? 
Still the same as pre-pregnancy-JUST BIGGER!  Maddie loves to see it and stick her finger all the way inside!

Feeling toward Pregnancy: 
It's much more difficult this time than it was with Maddie just because I am chasing a toddler around and she has been particularly whiny lately which makes my job more difficult but I am so excited to have another baby.  I am loving it when I see new babies out and about or when I walk into the baby store and see all of the things that new babies need.  I am feeling overwhelmed as well because there is so much to get done before you come!

What I miss: 
I miss stability.  Daddy found out that his job is in trouble and I miss feeling secure.  I am doing my best to be strong but it's very difficult.  If I am honest I will say that I'm terrified to think that Daddy may not have a job when you are born.  I have faith that he will but the thought crosses my mind.  As a mother all I want to do is to protect my family and I am feeling really pregnant and rather helpless.

What I am looking forward to: 
Next weeks ultrasound.  Daddy and I could use some good news.

Milestones: 
Sleeping on my side and back - finally.

90 days

J just called me at work and my stomach is churning.  His boss informed him that he has 90 days to get his numbers up or else... (I can't bare to type the "or else" part).  J is the sales manager for a group of employees.  He has tried relentlessly for months to motivate them and J puts in longer and longer hours at work to encourage them and do his part.  I sit here at my desk with a growing baby in my belly.  A growing baby we wanted so desperately and worked for tirelessly over the past year and a half.  A growing baby that is a reminder of why I am so scared for the next 90 days.  J assures me that we are comfortable with our savings and could sustain a couple of months if the worst happened but I am terrified of things to get to that point.  I want to feel secure, like I have for the last 11 years.  I want to feel assured when I tuck my little girl in at night and lay on the sofa feeling my baby kick that everything we know will remain as is, that we will continue to live comfortably.  I haven't bawled my eyes out yet, but I let J know that I am scared.  I am scared.  I never thought this would be us.  I believe in my husband's abilities so much so that I never even considered it.

I need to step up my game and do everything I can around the house to provide him more time outside of his already long and grueling work day to focus on working more.  The more I get done around the house, the more he can get done when he gets home.  I've already felt our family life shrinking while his work takes over more and more.  Something tells me I have no clue what shrinking family life is really like but I will soon.

J assures me that he isn't worrying yet and I shouldn't either, but I am.  I have to.  As the Mother and the Wife that's my job. I believe in my heart that all will be okay. I will be strong for him.  I will be his rock.  I will do everything in my power to get us through this.

We will get through this.

Baby Kicks

A couple of weeks ago I felt a baby flutter in my tummy when I woke up one weekend morning.  I wasn't positive it was the baby so I couldn't really document it.  This past Saturday, while in Chicago, Jamie and I were lying on the sofa watching the London Olympics.  We had had a full day with Madelyn at Shedd's Aquarium, Millennium Park and Michigan Avenue.  We finally made it back to the apartment we were staying in and after putting Maddie down Jamie gave me a foot rub.  He had just finished rubbing my feet and we were relaxing on the sofa.  My feet rested in his lap as we both watched the games.  All of a sudden I felt a kick.  I didn't realize it was the baby and it startled me so much that I sat straight up and looked at Jamie because I thought he punched me in the stomach!  It was obvious that it wasn't him because he looked at me wondering what happened.  I told him the baby kicked and we both laughed at my reaction.  The kick was so hard I actually thought Jamie punched me from the outside, I didn't realize it happened from the inside at first!  I have to admit...this kick made me think it 's a boy.  Maddie was so different in my belly.  She moved seldom and when she did it was brief and gentle.  She rolled but never once did she do anything that resembled what this felt like at 17 weeks.  No matter what gender, I am excited.  We will find out in a few short weeks what we are having and the fun decorating begins from there.

I would do anything for her. Anything.

In the weeks after Maddie was born I would mentally test myself all of the time to see if I had the kind of mother instinct I had always heard about.  I would look at Maddie and ask myself  if I would be lost without her like I had heard parent say about their children.  I would look at Maddie and ask myself if life as I knew it would be over without her.  Many questions like these, all to test my mothering instinct.  I remember thinking that it would be a terrible terrible loss to lose my baby but at that point she was so fresh in our lives that I didn't know what it would mean to me.  Maddie didn't have a personality yet.  We hadn't gotten to know each other yet.  She was a little beautiful bundle but I didn't know too much more about her.  I knew it took us so much to bring her into this world but I didn't know what she meant to me at that point.

Maddie is going to be 18 months next week and I can tell you that I do have the mothering instinct.  If I ever lost her I would absolutely be devastated and I would absolutely be lost without her.  She is my everything and 18 months after her birth I still look at her everyday and marvel at how perfect and happy she is.  She is my little side kick and I adore her so much.  She makes my heart smile.  She makes me laugh.  She looks up to me and communicates with me, she learns from me.  I sense what she wants and needs like she is part of me.  I know her better than anyone on this planet.  I often talk to her while I rock her before bed and tell her how much I love her and will tell her things that I want her to know.  I talked to her last week about how there are only five to six more months in which she will be my only child but that there will never be another her.  I tell her that no matter what we have I want her to grow up loving and respecting her little brother or sister.  I want them to always be friends even though they may have disagreements.  I want her relationship with her sibling to be different than the relationship I have with my brother.  I talk to her about how I want her to always know that she can talk to me, about anything and that I will always to my best to help her.

I can't tell you what a relief it is to say that I do have the mothering instinct.  I feel I am doing great at being a Mother.  I have my own personal fears that my ability to be a good Mother or want to be a good Mother will go away one day.  That's my own personal fear.  It always seemed like my Mother was a good Mother up until she decided she would rather be  or do something else and I really believe a Mother is a Mother for life.  Even Jamie and myself need Mother's from time to time.

Anyway, Madelyn and Baby Ducky...if you are reading this one day later in life.  Know that I love you more than anything in the world and know that you have changed my life in such a positive way and that my life would never be the same without you.  Thank you for coming into my life and making me a Mama.

14 weeks-2 days

This week, Baby is the size of an: Lemon 4 inches, 2.5 ounces

How far along? 14 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: 4 pounds gained

Maternity clothes? It's been so hot the last few weeks!  We got up to 108 one day.  I 've been wearing a lot of shorts and dresses along with swim suits to try and keep cool.  Daddy was out of town for five days and Maddie and I went to the park nearly everyday!  I wasn't showing this far along in my last pregnancy so I have had to buy some summer maternity clothes.

Sleep: Sleep is difficult.  I am still (insert guilty face here) sleeping on my stomach from time to time.  I checked with the Dr. and he said it won't hurt the baby.  I don't like doing it but it's the only way I can fall to sleep these days.  I am waking up on my back and sides more these days.  When I wake up I usually have to pee right away.  The pressure the baby puts on my full bladder actually hurts!

Best moment this week: It was the best moment of last week actually...we had an ultrasound where Daddy and I got to see baby!  Baby Ducky is measuring three days further along which means Baby is doing great!  It is a strange time in the pregnancy to be this far along and showing but to not feel any movement.  You actually start to wonder if there is a little baby in there or not!  I was taken aback when I saw that baby has gone from a gummy bear looking blobby thing to a baby shaped baby!  Such a beautiful and assuring sight!  Our next ultrasound we find out the sex!  So exicted!

Movement: Nothing yet, I am waiting eagerly to feel this baby move.  I can't wait!

Food cravings: I love hard candy right now and gummy candies!  I love laffy taffy (the giant strawberry sticks!) pink and red starbursts and jolly ranchers.  I've had a couple of cravings for hamburgers lately which surprises me.  I don't remember liking meat very much while I was pregnant with Maddie.  I've been a sushi eating fool too.  I keep taking people (I call them my victims) with me to eat sushi!

Symptoms: Sore back at times when I stand to long or do too much. It's really hard to raise a toddler while pregnant.  If I would have known this while I was pregnant with Maddie I would have laid on the sofa A LOT more!  

Dr. Appts - July 5th we saw Dr. Bale and he said everything is looking great!

Gender: Either would be amazing.  Sometimes I really think it could be a boy!  I am just so grateful for the opportunity to have another baby join our family.  We love you so much baby ducky!  

Labor Signs: Nah.

Belly Button in or out? Still the same as pre-pregnancy.

Feeling toward Pregnancy: Loving it.  I am loving watching my belly grow and I love more than anything asking Maddie where baby ducky is and she points to my stomach (most of the time - sometimes she points at my boobs - close enough!)  Maddie kisses baby ducky too.  So sweet.  She really has no idea what's going on but it makes me happy to see the two babies so close when she kisses my belly.

What I miss: Nothing really.  In a couple of weeks it will be sleeping on my stomach but that's a small price to pay for a baby!

What I am looking forward to: Picking stuff out for the nursery.

Milestones: Maddie pointing and kissing baby ducky.

It feels so good to spill the beans!

 This was a big weekend for our family.  We let everyone know that we are expecting another baby!  We took Nancy (Jamie's Mom) out to dinner at Hodak's Saturday night and then to the Botanical Garden to see the Chinese Lantern Exhibit.  Jamie told her she had another birthday to attend in January but we didn't know exactly when it would be and then handed her a card that said we were expecting a baby.  She held the card and laughed and teared and said "if this is what I think it is, I predicted it."  She had a feeling we were taking her to dinner to tell her we were pregnant.  She was excited and it felt so good to tell her.  Oddly enough when we sat down to dinner we sat next to a couple that mentioned to us that they were expecting their first grandchild in a month.  Later, Nancy told them that she is expecting her new grandchild in January.  The Chinese Lantern Festival was beautiful and there was a nice breeze that made the eighty-something degree weather bearable.  Maddie was so well behaved and in such a happy mood that night.  She was up until 10 o'clock!

Sunday morning we took my Parents to breakfast for Father's Day and had Maddie wear her shirt to breakfast.  It *only* took my Mom 45 minutes to ask what was on Maddie's shirt.  This was after sitting at a table with her for half an hour and taking Maddie out walking for fifteen minutes.

We planned on telling Jamie's Dad and his older Sister's family that we were pregnant on Father's Day at our home.  Jamie, being the good Grandson that he is wanted to include his Grandmother in the weekend even though she was in Florida.  Maddie and I headed to the park Friday to see the horses and enjoy a little picnic and take some pictures in her big sister shirt.  I edited them to put words on them and emailed them to Jamie who emailed them to the Receptionist at the Marbelle Club (Shirley's condo) and the Receptionist sent the pictures to Shirley's neighbor with instructions to give them to Shirley no earlier than 6:00 Eastern Time.

Fast Forward...

Julie, Jamie's Sister, gets a call around 4:00 our time ( 5:00 Eastern) from Shirley.  Shirley says "I got the news"  Julie, was trying to act like she didn't know and said "What news?"  Shirley knew.  She got the pictures early and long story short, she called everyone she could get a hold of including Jamie's Dad, older sister and younger sister and God only knows who else in the family!

Surprise ruined.  Typical.  Oh well.  It's all a part of the story now.

Here are the pictures...

The dinner was a good time. We decided to make a mini-hamburger bar with all of the fixings and an ice cream bar for dessert.   Maddie is really looking up to her older Cousin, Lilly.  It was cute to see her following her around the house.   It was great to see everyone and celebrate the Father's and the new baby.


Jamie and I shared the news on Facebook Monday.  I told my co-workers on Monday as well.  Now, everyone knows and boy does it feel good.  

10 Weeks!

How far along? 10 weeks

Baby Size: About 1.5 inches.  The size of a prune!

Total weight gain: Down 6 pounds

Maternity clothes? Yes and no. 

Stretch marks? Not yet.

Sleep: Last night was my first bad night of sleep where I woke up at 4:00 and had a difficult time getting back to sleep.  I guess I finally did just before the alarm went off.

Best moment this week: The best moment this week has been spilling the news that I am pregnant a second time with co-workers and friends.  I am really looking forward to telling our families on Father's Day.

Miss Anything? Nothing

Movement: Not yet.  I was thinking last night about how I can't wait for the baby to start moving.  That is such a special moment.

Food cravings: Carbs and Chocolate!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Barbecue and grilled meats!

Gender: Not sure but I would be delighted with either!

Labor Signs: Nah!

Symptoms: Tired tired tired!  I take a nap a day usually on week days and sometimes two naps a day on weekends.  My back is still hurting from the accident.  Sleeping on my side has been more difficult this pregnancy than last.

Mood: Happy, but some sad moments.  It's a strange feeling to have everything you have ever wanted and to be sad.  I have a lot of family drama happening right now and it's difficult looking ahead 7 months and knowing your support system is weak.  At least I have Jamie and Maddie and some members of J's family.  They provide a "normal" feeling when it comes to family.

Looking forward to: I am looking forward to soooo much!  From feeling the baby move to finding out the sex to playing music through headphones on my belly once the baby can hear to decorating the nursery and finally meeting this new precious baby!

Ultrasound - 7 weeks 5 days

5/30/12


Dehhhhh nuh nuh nuh nuhhhhhhhh nuhhhhhhhh,
Dehhhhh nuh nuh nuh nuhhhhhhhh nuhhh......

That's my graduation song!  I graduated to my regular OB!   YAY!!!!!  I finally feel like I can accept this pregnancy!  Same as last pregnancy, I will take this opportunity to put up my ticker and start my weekly updates.  I am so excited and so grateful for this second baby.

The heartbeat was 162 bpm!  Up from the original 95 bpm at 6 weeks and the 125 bpm in the Emergency Room after the accident.   I forgot how beautiful of a sound that fast beating heart is.    This is my second pregnancy but I am still just as in awe of the fact that my body made that heart.  My body made that heart beat.  I won't be taking any of this pregnancy for granted.  I will still mark every milestone with excitement and wonder and I will still write about everything I experience.  I am even more exited to deliver this time since I know what an amazing experience it was the first time around.  I wondered if I would ever get the chance to do this again.

Jamie and I went to Memphis for a wedding this past weekend.  We went up a few days early and spent a couple of days together, just the two of us.  It was so nice.  I had wanted to visit Memphis for years.  I would often ask Jamie if we could go on a road trip to Memphis to enjoy some of the Barbecue restaurants we see often on The Food Network and The Travel Channel.  We finally made it...and barbecue makes me nauseous.  Like, it was all I could do to sit in the restaurant with Jamie while he ate.  I had a Greek salad at the first barbecue restaurant, ordered a house salad at the second (the next night) and was so sick I couldn't eat it and when Jamie picked up barbecue at the third restaurant I stayed in the car.  I finally made it to Memphis and couldn't eat barbecue.  I experienced the same exact thing when I was pregnant with Maddie, I couldn't stand meat or anything smoked or grilled.  Of course, we now think we are having a second girl because of my identical symptoms.

I would love a boy or a girl by the way.  Two girls would be so fun and a boy would be a fun change of pace.  I still maintain that he is destined to make little girls and to be surrounded by girls as he is great with his niece, sisters and his many gal pals.

I downloaded a baby name app.  Jamie and I could only agree on ONE name out of thousands for the last baby.  I figure I may as well get started early this go around.  I marked a few names as possibilities and Jamie nixed everyone of them on our drive home from Memphis.  This is going to be painful!!!  We did decide on a temporary name for the new baby.  Ducky.  Yep.  Ducky.  We spent our weekend at The Peabody Hotel where ducks swim in the fountain of the lobby.  We missed Maddie terribly when we saw the ducks and we sent her pictures and videos.  I told Jamie we needed a nick name and he said "I think we should name it Ducky.  We were just at the Peabody, Maddie loves ducks  It should be Ducky."  I said "awe, I like that" and that's how Ducky came to be.

Hit and Run

5/22/12

I was on my way to work yesterday morning when my car was hit by a car going around 35 mph.  He hit my passenger side bumper as I turned onto a one way street, he then fish tailed into the side of my car and pushed me onto a curb and into a concrete trash can. I didn't see him coming.  I knew I was in an accident only when I heard the loud crash and realized I had no control over my vehicle and was being pushed onto a curb.  I remember watching the concrete trash can approach quickly and scanning for poles.

The driver sped off.

A nice gentleman who heard the accident while in a parking lot called the police while I signaled another gentleman that was behind me in a car to follow the driver that sped off.  The driver of the hit and run vehicle went the wrong way down a one way street and escaped the guy following him.  That guy returned.

I was shaken.  I was cramping everywhere that my seat belt was restraining me including my abdomen where my precious baby was.  Sharp pains were shooting from side to side and from the center of my belly.  This is when I started sobbing.  My phone hit the windshield and was dead.  I felt so alone as I tried to get my car charger to let me operate my phone somehow, someway.  The fire department came and then the paramedics.  The police finally showed up and didn't want to take a report since there was only one car.  The paramedics challenged him and he finally and reluctantly did.  The police officer was mean to me, telling me he couldn't hear me and to speak up.  I was just happy to be making sentences since I was so frazzled.  He didn't speak to either witness and left before I did.

I borrowed the phone of one of the guys and called my husband who came down and took care of towing my car.  I thanked to the two gentleman that stayed to make sure I was okay and walked to the Ambulance.  I was admitted to the Trauma part of a nearby hospital where my RE is located because the ER was full.  This was my first and hopefully last time in Trauma.  I was in that room for a total of three hours and had one stomach ultrasound which was pointless because it showed nothing but a gestational sack. My husband arrived at the hospital during this ultrasound.  After the ultrasound  I asked if I could have a cracker around 10:00 since I hadn't had breakfast and was feeling nausea from pregnancy and was told I could have medicine to make the nausea go away.  I tried explaining that a cracker would do it but I got medicine in my IV.  Then I sat for an hour while I had to pee.  I had to pee for an hour and finally had my husband hit the call button.  The nurse answered and I told her.  No one ever came to let me pee.  So, finally, at the hour and a half point...I got up grabbed a urine jug out of a cabinet and pee'd standing in the corner of the Trauma room with my husband standing guard over the curtain and laughing at me.

I hopped back in bed and laid for another half hour and then a patient was wheeled into the room with me.  She was elderly and had liver failure and kidney failure.  She was swollen and unresponsive with tubes coming and going from every orifice.  I laid idly by just 5 feet away while she had x-rays, heart scans, etc.  I saw just her swollen toes at one point and they reminded me of Maddie's.  My sweet sixteen month old's toes so fresh and new looked like they had aged 85 years and I cried.  It hit me, I was in the Trauma ward with people that were over dosing and dying of complications with my 7 week old fetus in my belly.  New life and old life in the same room.  A life coming and a life going.  I prayed that God would take this lady as I listened to her grunt in pain and heard the nurses talk about how she only had a Granddaughter listed as next of kin.

I looked at my husband and bawled.  We were both beside ourselves.  We were in the wrong place.  An hour after Sandra checked in next to me we were moved into the hallway.  We waited there for a private ER room where an ultrasound could be performed trans vaginally.  We were surrounded by crackheads.  One vomited lying on a gurney while being wheeled down the hall.  Jamie moved away from her as she choked and gagged into a bucket staring right at me.  It was the worst feeling.  I wanted to be discharged before I even got to my ultrasound.  Jamie actually asked a nurse if we could be.  They realized we had waited a long time and got us into a room where I got an ultrasound and there was the beautiful heartbeat at 120 bpm, 25 b's pm faster than it was last Thursday.  Jamie and I both breathed audible sighs of relief.  We were so happy but will never go back to that hospital.

We went for lunch at 2:00 where I ate enough for breakfast and dinner.  We then went to get my rental car and then home for a nap.  Jamie woke me up at 4:30 to tell me he got news that my car was totaled.  We're looking for a new car now, unfortunately, because I loved my car and we had just paid off both cars.

Anyway, I am healthy and so is baby and I couldn't be happier despite losing a car.

First Ultrasound - 6 weeks

5/18/12

Well, I will start this post like I have started the last few....I was so nervous for this ultrasound.  I guess I just still don't believe this body made a baby the way babies were intended to be made.  Jamie met me at the RE's office and I sat in that familiar ultrasound chair where I had sat to watch my follicles grow two years ago and the chair I sat in when I first saw Madelyn for the first time.  She looked just like the picture below. It's the chair I learned I would be a Mommy for the first time.  It's the chair Jamie stood next to when he learned he would be a Daddy.  We held hands just like we did the first time.  Once the baby was found it was a sweet relief and guess what...there was a heart beat!  It was beating at 95 beats per minute which they did say was slow and worries me.  But they also said that hearts tend to beat slower the smaller the baby is. So I will trust that all is okay with the heart.

There were some questions about whether I had been experiencing cramping or bleeding.  I didn't think much of it until the Ultrasound Tech said there was a sack of blood.  Can you see that area to the top right of the gestational sack?  There is the black area, a ring around the black area and then at the top right of that out ring, there is a blob about 1/3 the size of the sack.  That is a pocket of blood.  I had this when I was pregnant with Madelyn.  It is due to RH factor and last time I had to receive an injection early in my pregnancy to help the baby.  I had an injection this time too.

We met with the Doctor next.  She ordered the rogam shot and a urine test because I had a bladder infection last visit and she wanted to make sure it was cleared up.  I don't know why but I just a vibe that she had concerns even though she wasn't necessarily saying it.  I asked if she had concerns and she said she was cautiously optimistic.  My husband had just muttered the same words before the Doctor came in.  I hate those words, I have to tell you.  I have this sinking feeling ever since the ultrasound.  I am scared that the blood sack will present problems this time where it didn't last time.  It looks identical to the one with Madelyn so I should be more worried, I guess I am just waiting for something to go wrong.  It's going to smooth, it's going too easy-it's been too normal.  When will my world crumble?  I hate speaking that way but that's what is in my gut.

We have another ultrasound in two weeks to check progress.  I will be just as scared for that one as I was for this one.  The enjoyment at ultrasounds didn't start last time until our twelfth week ultrasound with our regular OB, I'm so ready for that.

We are headed to Memphis for a wedding on Memorial Day weekend.  I'm looking forward to getting away!

Beta #2 - 20 dpo

5/12/12

I was just as nervous this time around for my beta results as I was last time.  The call came early which was a nice surprise.  Usually, the closer it gets to 1:00 (when they say they will call) the more nervous I get.  So, 11:30 was a welcomed treat.  I was taking furniture inventory at my work.  The one day I decide to wear heals is the one day I have to walk 40,000 square feet.  My feet were swollen and I have blisters, still.

Anyway, the nurse, Amy, called and said she had good news.  She said my beta was wonderful.  It was 2326. Then she congratulated me and told me the Doctor's administrative assistant would be calling to schedule my first ultrasound.

A couple of hours later I received the call from Sandy who congratulated me and gave me appointment options.  Our ultrasound is Thursday at 2:00 and our appointment with the Doctor is at 2:15.  We should be able to see a sack and a fetal pole if all goes well.  I will be just as nervous then as I was for the betas.

If we make it past the first ultrasound we can schedule our next ultrasound to see a heartbeat at 7 weeks, I believe.  This would be an amazing and well timed treat as we leave the following morning for a wedding in Memphis and will have plenty of time to celebrate.  I don't want to think of the alternative so I am not.

Mother's day is in a couple of days and this is my second one.  Mother's Day means more to me than Christmas.  It's my favorite holiday of the year.  I am going shopping tomorrow to find a charm to represent this past year with Madelyn.  I started the tradition last year of getting her a charm for every Mother's Day because I celebrate her on that special day for making me a Mother.  Without her I wouldn't be a Mother.  Maddie and I spent a very special day together today.  She is getting to be so much fun now that she walks! We woke up, had breakfast and went to a nearby park that has horses.  It's very cool and has amazing landscaped grounds.  I always stop at the bench below to take a picture.  She is looking up at the trees.  She knows what trees are now and loves to look and point and say "tree" or her version of "tree" anyway.  I took some pictures, and took her to see the horses which she absolutely LOVED.  I have many pictures of her pointing.  We stopped at Target afterwards for no reason at all really.  Came home for a nap and then walked to B&N bookstore where we purchase.  I suppose I am having some odd cravings as we had Guacamole, Chips and Pizza for dinner.  My husband asked twice what we were having over the phone.  To his credit, he ate it!

I haven't felt sick so far at all.  Nothing.  It seems too good to be true.  My appetite is ummm...healthy, shall we say?  I am constantly eating to satisfy cravings but nothing tastes as good as I hope it will so I move on to something else.  I have also had a high burst of energy.  I am typing this at 3:30 AM.  I haven't been able to sleep and have been nesting, yes, nesting at 5 weeks post ovulation.  WTF?  I don't get it.  No sleep and endless energy.