4/30/12
Things like this just don't happen to me. I am rarely lucky but always hoping. This cycle has been so different from my last cycle on clomid that I just kept faith that it was a good sign. I kept faith that opposite symptoms meant an opposite outcome this cycle. I had high hopes and I kept them to myself, I didn't even tell my husband. I've always been the dreamer and he has always been the realist. I can't explain it but I had this "feeling" this cycle and I have felt calm and positive for the most part. Having no symptoms was driving me crazy but it was reassuring in some strange way. Last cycle my calendar was covered in ink. I jotted down every symptom and I had every symptom from nausea to twinges. This cycle my calendar was empty. I was extremely tired but I chalked it up to being lazy. It was a different kind of tired though, I NEEDED naps and almost felt I couldn't function without one.. I was taking TWO LONG naps a day on weekends and one nap per day on weekdays.
One thing that kept my hopes up was this chart...none of the symptoms I was experiencing last cycle were on this chart but this cycle I was experiencing the fatigue the most which had the highest percentage along with very few twinges and pressure in my center abdomen and I did have gas...I never have gas. I just knew something was different. The other thing that kept me positive was that I had done a few things differently this go round. I continued with pre-seed as we had used the first cycle, but we tried a new position while baby dancing two nights and I also took baby asprin and drank green tea after ovulation a few times. My hopes were that these things were good.
I felt nothing but tired for the first 9 days post ovulation and would read the BFP boards on sites where women stated their symptoms and took comfort in reading that a few of the ladies didn't experience any symptoms for 9 or 10 days. I kept telling myself not to freak out because I wasn't experiencing symptoms and to give myself a ten day grace period before getting down in the dumps. Sunday (yesterday) was day ten and I woke up and took a pregnancy test. I didn't see a line but held it at a few angles in the light of the bathroom while my husband slept and I could make out the faintest trace of a second line. A line that was so faint it could never be photographed and a line that 9 out of 10 people would not see - but I saw it. It was so light that I wondered if I was just making out the line that would be there if I was pregant and a line I wasn't even supposed to see. I decided not to tell my husband because last time he didn't believe the test was positive until both lines were the exact same shade.
So I kept this little secret all to myself yesterday. It was so hard. I wanted to tell someone but I didn't. I felt I would jinx it as silly as it sounds. Jamie has also been working really hard and I didn't want to stress him out with a faint line. I couldn't sleep last night. I was half nervous and half excited. I was really buying into the thought that I was pregnant. I was calculating the due date and trying to figure out when my beta was. All over the slightest trace of a line. I kept catching myself and thinking I was crazy to be doing things that only a positive pregnancy test should make someone do. I couldn't sleep. I was anticipating morning so much so that I couldn't keep my mind from spinning.
This morning I woke up, took my temperature and grabbed my last pregnancy test. The second line was darker. I couldn't believe it. I was going to get to surprise my husband with a positive pregnancy test like normal people do. He would be surprised too, as he knew I had no symptoms. I thought about waiting until Friday to surprise him. I thought that way I would hopefully have taken and received beta results and could share even more positive news with him. I thought about taking him to the restaurant we celebrated at the first time we found out we were pregnant...but I knew I had to tell him, he's my best friend and the father! So I got dressed, got Madelyn dressed and while J fed Maddie breakfast I ran round the house like a crazy woman preparing a surprise. I grabbed a bracelet jewelry box, wrote "Mommy is pregnant" on the inside with the positive test, tied a bow around it and wrote "Daddy" on the box. I was so nervous I would be caught! I came downstairs, put it in Maddie's high chair and she picked it up and said something (not sure). I secretly had my phone in the corner video taping the whole thing too! Maddie was great, she just held the box up and looked at me and J as if she knew it was something special. I asked Maddie what she had, and said "oh, is that for da-da?" and told Jamie Maddie had a gift for him. I handed it to him, he unwrapped the bow and paused. It hit him. He knew exactly what it was before he opened it and he and I locked eyes. I couldn't help but smile and giggle. He kept searching my face for confirmation. I just kept smiling and kissng Maddie. He opened it and all he said for a while was "Holy shit...Holy shit" as he leaned on the counter for support. He confided in me later that he thought we could have done it every day for the rest of our lives, tried the highest dosage of medicine and any position we could think of and would never have conceived a child on our own. I really don't think he ever gave the thought of us getting pregnant with clomid a second thought. The best part was him hugging Maddie and I and him asking Maddie if she was ready to be a big sister.
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