If I was honest I would say -
- I've got my hopes up for this cycle just like I have every other cycle. You would think I would have learned by now. You would think that my past experiences would have taught me better.
- I'm overanalyzing everything my body is doing from my armpits to my thighs.
- I daydream about my progesterone bloodwork on Friday being a beautiful number and the nurses voice beaming with excitement when she calls to tell me that beautiful number and then I think more realistic.
- My house is far behind and less clean than I wish it would be. I would be embarassed if anyone saw the laundry sorted in the floor of my walk-in closet.
- My house being in this state makes me feel like I can't handle one child let alone a second.
- I would say "Amber, why are you trying for baby #2 when you are obviously not handling baby #1 as well as you hoped or would like to?"
- I would answer back "because I want Maddie to have a sibling and it pains me to think of her growing up alone".
- I would say that seeing all of my friends, co-workers and family members pregnant with their second child makes me feel pressured to get pregnant with mine.
- I would say that turning 35 in a few months makes me feel pressured
- I would say that I still get envious and mad inside at how some people can get pregnant so easily.
- I would tell you that I cried the day my brother announced he was having a second child.
- I would say that I loved being pregnant so much that I hope I get to experience it again once more
- I would tell you that I cried at my post partum OB appointment because I feared I would never be back to my OB regarding a baby
- I would tell you that I get scared at the thought of going through IVF again and hope so much that I don't have to.
- I would equate IVF to gambling with our finances and dreams with less than 50/50 odds and money that could 100% go into Maddie's college fund instead of IVF if we were so lucky.
- I would tell you that my husband told me that my neighbor who had twins through IUI is undergoing treatment to get pregnant again and for some stupid reason it feels like a race between us, completely in my head.
- I would tell you that I am so scared she will get pregnant and I will have to watch her belly grow while I am struggling through infertility.
- I would tell you that infertility makes me feel inferior in so many ways
- I would tell you that I feel my husband is working more than ever and is more motivated than ever at work while I feel completely unmotivated
- I would tell you that my husband is working 3-4 jobs right now and part of me wonders if it's because he is fears/stresses that IVF is in our future.
- I would tell you that I miss my husband, even when he is home he is working
- I am scared and excited about my future at the same time
.PNG)
No comments:
Post a Comment